*sigh*

I feel lost today. I'm in a slump, and I know it. I really can't give a good reason for the lack of vitality and energy that I'm feeling right now. I feel.... blah. I do such a good job hiding that. I'm one hell of an actress, and I know it. I can leave people in stitches or in awe of one hell of a performance, but I can't seem to convince myself. Thing is...I'm tired of acting. I'm absolutely going insane wanting to be me right now, but my pride won't let me show any of it to anyone. My husband, bless him, has no clue, and I can't figure out how he can't know, unless he really doesn't know me, which I suppose is possible. I'm more myself at home than anywhere, but that just means I'm hiding from everyone a LOT. I spend a HUGE amount of time in my room, except when he comes to bed, at which time I leave as I can't deal with the snoring. Not like anything interesting is gonna happen there anyway. I gave up on that a while ago. Marriage kills a sex life faster than anything. lol So, I escape in my books and my writing and my music and the internet and movies and whatever I can to make some sort of fantasy life for myself. I want to not be me, but yet it's still me. There's a lot in there that needs to be expressed but there's just no outlet, so my grip on reality becomes more precarious every moment, as I spend more and more time in a self-induced daydream.

Again...pathetic, I know. Sorry world. At least I can say things here that I can't anywhere else. Only 2 or 3 people even know I have a blog here and I am gonna try and keep it that way. I need someplace to vent.