A new poem...

This has been sitting in the notes of my ipod for a few days, while with each day and emotion I added a little here, a little there, sometimes changed a little here and there, depending on what I was feeling at the moment... It's hard to explain, and I don't think I'll ever be able to, as is shown in the end of the poem... Life is confusing at times and throws us into situations where we are confronted with what we want more than anything, but what we'll never, ever have...

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JUST THIS ONCE?
by: Nikki

Love that you and I will never know...
I can only dream you,
stealthy shadow shift you
into my astral heaven,
blossoming you real to me,
though never to those prying eyes
that can not see,
only for me.
Romance me into the silky nirvana
of heartbeat stillness.
My surreal oneness embraced
in purest snow white abandon.
I shun a shattered real
so to be enveloped by velvet
billow astral thought forms
of a NEW truth..
in you.
My stolen soul Romeo.
My lost lust of silver luster.
My inebriated compatriot
of loves even and ever drunken silence.
Would you brace your deep, rose-petal lock of somber passion
against my sovereign, solely solidified,
unified embrace?
Would you dare to delve into the depths of
Divine ONE...
together?
Would you brush your smoldering torch light touch
to mine?
Steal me away,
oh lost and wandering spirit,
to hidden groves of sunbeam's dancing children
and raging love-lorn waters edge...
to hold MY power,
hands and souls entwined,
and mix it with your own,
radiating in and through me,
you,
me...
and back again,
in stilled siren sorrow song
of love
above which no mortal bond could ever hope to rise.
No words equal OUR equal.
No sonnet penned or lyric sung can ever touch this place...
No words...no words...
Oh fuck it! Kiss me...
Just this once?

Heading Out...

I am leaving town Thursday. We are all headed to New Jersey for 10 days. My mother and father-in-law are celebrating their 25th Anniversar and renewing their vows, with a big party to follow. I think it will be a great deal of fun, but I HATE being away from home for longer than a week at most, unless that time is spent on a cruise ship. lol I get HORRIBLY home sick. Why this is, I don't know. I also don't do well when I'm stuck in a living situation with anyone for an extended period of time. I do well for a few days, then my nerves start wearing thin as I DESPERATELY need my privacy. Ask my husband and kids; when I don't get enough alone time I am the bitch from HELL. I have a hard time reading people socially as it is, and I tend to see tension that either isn't there or nobody else has ever noticed, and then I'm snippy and hard to get along with. Emily doesn't help. When I have her away from home I'm on edge because she's on edge. Even the slightest change in her routine can set her off and then I'm up to my ears in freaked out Asperger's kid. It's enough to drive anyone to consider entering the witness protection program, because not only is she almost impossible to comfort and control, she humiliates the heck out of me. I absolutely adore her, but I so can't handle being around her a good majority of the time. Makes me feel bad because Jessica and I get along great, but with Emily it's just one battle after another and there's little about her personality I can find likable, so it can make being a loving, fun mom really, REALLY hard. It's only a matter of time before my nerves show. *sigh* I just wanna get this over with and get back home, away from society.