*sigh*

I feel lost today. I'm in a slump, and I know it. I really can't give a good reason for the lack of vitality and energy that I'm feeling right now. I feel.... blah. I do such a good job hiding that. I'm one hell of an actress, and I know it. I can leave people in stitches or in awe of one hell of a performance, but I can't seem to convince myself. Thing is...I'm tired of acting. I'm absolutely going insane wanting to be me right now, but my pride won't let me show any of it to anyone. My husband, bless him, has no clue, and I can't figure out how he can't know, unless he really doesn't know me, which I suppose is possible. I'm more myself at home than anywhere, but that just means I'm hiding from everyone a LOT. I spend a HUGE amount of time in my room, except when he comes to bed, at which time I leave as I can't deal with the snoring. Not like anything interesting is gonna happen there anyway. I gave up on that a while ago. Marriage kills a sex life faster than anything. lol So, I escape in my books and my writing and my music and the internet and movies and whatever I can to make some sort of fantasy life for myself. I want to not be me, but yet it's still me. There's a lot in there that needs to be expressed but there's just no outlet, so my grip on reality becomes more precarious every moment, as I spend more and more time in a self-induced daydream.

Again...pathetic, I know. Sorry world. At least I can say things here that I can't anywhere else. Only 2 or 3 people even know I have a blog here and I am gonna try and keep it that way. I need someplace to vent.

IPod happiness!

*sings*
I LOVE MY IPOD! I LOVE MY IIIIPOD! I LOOOOOOVE MY IPOD TOUCH! LALALALALALA!

Ok, that's the closest to crappy singing I'm willing to allow myself. hehe

So, as the world knows, because I keep telling them, I got an iPod Touch from my mom for Easter this year. I ADORE THIS PIECE OF TECHNOLOGY! So far I have almost 2,000 songs downloaded, a few podcasts (having to do with Harry Potter and Twilight), a couple of videos, and I have taken to using it for checking my e-mail, even when I'm in the same room as the PC. lol I love the Safari web browser.

My iPod love has led me to delve into the idea of other apple products and I've almost 100% decided to get a MAC at the beginning of next year instead of a new PC. Everyone I talk to who has made the switch fervently upholds the saying, "Once you go MAC you'll never go back". I'm game, that's for sure. It's hard as hell to get a virus on a mac and a mac with lower specs performs TONS faster and more efficiently than a PC with much higher specs. Why didn't I think of this sooner?

So...be prepared for the whirlwind that is Nikki, world of Apple. I am headed your way VERY, VERY soon!

Nikki

....obsession....

Yeah, so I started reading the "Twilight" series. I had watched the movie, which is ok, but not great, but still interesting enough to have peaked my curiosity as to why these books are so popular. I thought it was just a teeny-bopper thing. So...I borrowed Jessica's books and delved into them with a light interest. That light interest immediately turned into an absolutely desperate need to KEEP READING! I read all 4 books in 5 days, little sleep and less food. Exhausting, but exhilerating. I am completely hooked now. *sigh* I have come to a conclusion.

Edward Cullen is the perfect man. That's it. Noone else will ever be good enough. I have to keep reading and daydreaming or life will NEVER be right again. I HATE it when I develop these unhealthy obsessions with fictional charectors. WHY?!?!? ARGH!!!!!

I gotta say... I knew the romance was dead in my life and had been for years, but my easily acceptance of mental escapism involving non-existent charectors just shows me that my relationship is in worse shape than I thought it was... Don't know what to do about that. It's been that way for years now.... Love still there, but just existing. Day to day, hour to hour, just...really lonely while not being alone. It's a weird feeling. At least there's someone there. I should be counting my blessings, but now a series of books has reminded me that I'm a lady, and I like to be treated like one.

*sigh*