Just a little rant...

I'm always so glad only like 2 or 3 people know about this blog and how to get to it. It's good to have a place to just write out my feelings and not worry about who gets upset by it. The people who know about this blog never do anything to deserve ranting and you know who you are so rest easy. You are free from the wrath of Nikki. lol

I'm just tired... I'm really tired and kinda hurt right now. I've spent the better part of 6 weeks taking care of my mother, as has my sister, whether that be while she's at home or back in the hospital. I just found out from her Sunday that she thinks Beqi and I aren't responsible enough to make any medical decisions on her behalf, although we've been pretty much having to do that since Feb. 23 because she was completely unable to and no one else could sign. If it weren't for either of us and our quick thinking and at least mild knowledge of medical procedures and health issues, she would easily be dead now... We've both put our entire lives on hold since she got sick...and it's because we love her. Also Jessica, my oldest daughter, who is just 14 but 14 going on 40, has changed her whole lifestyle to be "night nurse" when Mom needs one. We've all done this not for love of accolades and gratitude for any other reason except that Mom is only 58 and we want her around for a good 20 more years. We've been her biggest cheer leaders and Beqi has even taken FMLA when Mom's own fiancee didn't see fit to call in to work when she nearly died... But somehow we're not responsible enough to take care of her in her mind... Oh, and not to mention all she can think about is whether or not the house is immaculate while she's in the hospital.

Mom: Who's taking care of the dogs?
Me: The girls are taking care of the dogs today.
Mom: Great! Well, I hope they clean up after themselves. They never clean up their own messes.
Me: They've been told to Mom but I can't very well make sure they are while I'm here.
Mom: Well I don't need all that mess in the house. Dirty dishes in the sink or smoething... I can't stand that.
Me: You're not there mother, so chill out.
Mom: Well, I really don't want them there right now.
Me: (thinking to myself) Well then no one will go and the dogs can just potty all over the house and tear up everything in the house and then you'll really have something to complain about, won't you? (Outloud) Well, I'll have Mike pick them up after work and make sure they are cleaning up after themselves.

I just...want a break for a while. Really, I just want to go away for a week or so and ... I dunno... disappear. Spring break is coming up. I wonder if I can ditch this pop sickle stand and visit my dad in Oklahoma.

I'm not going to the hospital tomorrow. I need a break...